28 Jan, 2023
“Better up there than here (in our heads)”.
“Ego will not let you rest. It will always tell you you are small”.
— Jim Carrey
I am 35 now. Got 1 year big last November. Applying every other day to a programming job. Living off my wife’s paycheque. From Pakistan. Religious background. Going gym. Running all week. Sleeping all weekend. Stuck on twitter feed. Want to finish my university assignment. Want to finish the language assignment. Want to build a website for my class. So many wants yet sitting here writing this blog like a great future thinking author. So, where do I start?
Well, I ran away from my country, now I can go all rebellious. I can bully my army like a great leader in progress, or a coward. I can tell you that;
Army is as good in Pakistan as we take Pakistan. It is not the country that is the problem. It is the lawlessness. People do not feel they will get justice. Compound that with low pays and class difference. Like CMH medical store has 9 lanes each for senior officers. Officers in uniforms. Soldiers. Civilians. The lawlessness is making the contracts weaker. Machines are not printing chits. The turn over gate is not working on gate 4 at GHQ.
Army is pretty awesome. You wear uniform. You do all things great. You protect your friends, your juniors, your people, your area. You live on peaks, drink tea sitting around a Fujika. You feel safe when there is no mobile no tv no twitter. You feel cosy and fun. Army is fun.
Pakistan and Army are hand in hand with each other. I love Pakistan. I can’t hate my army. It is a beautiful place for all of us. It is our home.
Yes. So many hot girls. Wearing skirts. Running all tight on the next treadmill. In your classroom. Your teacher wow she is so hot. Yes hotness is fun here. You talk to them they respond like normal human being. Never judge you. Never belittle you. Girls here are not special.
In Pakistan they are special. In home we are worried about them. In office we are. On the road we are thinking what if we get a chance. What if we talk and feel all cool. I feel in Pakistan my life revolved around girls. Here girls revolve around my life. Its fun. Here you get to be cool. Take revenge.
Like right now sitting in my vest, ripped pajama, watching Jim Carrey history on tv, with a finished cup in front. I do not feel the urgency. I have the day to myself. Internet is good. Light is good. I can ship this blog in the hour from now. 5 hours from now. I can not ship it. I can breathe and not feel worried. My article wont make my chachu call me and ask if i am ok. My boss wont be worried a problem is coming his way. Or myself - I am not going to jail for writing something.
Sweden feels safe. One gym card gets me in at my local town, distant town, half way town. I can sit at a library. I can cook. Maybe I can put my clothes in the washer. Its easy here. I do not have a gun on my head.
A lot of friends have asked me they want to quit army, want to move out, finances are crippled, in a fight with my CO. I would say do it. I feel good, I took the decision to quit army and felt attacked by my family. It is messy and stressful. But what is not stressful; knowing, I am now heading in a direction I want. Not someone else wants for me. I feel free. Poor. But free.